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Archive for the ‘Stealing words’ Category

Everybody’s got plans… until they get hit.
Mike Tyson

Before the recent one-two punch from infection after infection, and before the internet snafu and ensuing struggles with Comcast, and before the exciting week with visitors, and before I was finally able to get back to work this week, I had great plans. Well, I guess not great plans – they were nothing compared to those of my childhood, or those of a naive high schooler, or even those prior to the latest major health struggles back in December and January – but they were plans.

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People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
-Mother Theresa

Sometimes I can find no words for what’s going on in the world around me. For what’s happening to those I love. For the pain and hurt I see. My solution? I steal words.

Mother Theresa is one of my favorite sources. She finds the words that my heart wants to say but is too distraught, too lost to find.

When I am hurt or see a loved one in pain, my first instinct is to pull it all back, to retreat. I often describe myself as being as vulnerable as a sea cucumber. I’m sensitive and out in the open. My only defense is looking pathetic and harmless enough that no one would want to harm me. (I mean, seriously, have you ever seen a sea cucumber?) But that’s not the answer.

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So I haven’t updated much because there’s really been very little change. I’m still stuck in a hospital room, unable to get the necessary nutrition through tube feeds, bored out of my mind. For the last week or so, I’ve heard that I’ll be going home “tomorrow.” I’m pretty sure that’s medical speak for “never,” but I’m still hopeful. The pancreatitis attack is over and my aspiration pneumonia has cleared. I feel fine and just want to go home. I suppose the positive is that we’re finally getting things in line so when I do go home, I won’t end up back here.

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