Still Miles to Go

I give you this one thought to keep –
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush,
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft starts that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still in each new dawn.
-Adaptation from Mary Frye’s “Do not stand at my grave and weep”

Yesterday saw the loss of a beautiful and loving soul. A man I loved deeply. Did I tell you enough that I loved you? I hope so.

Emotional pain is a beautiful thing. That pain is evidence that you’ve allowed yourself to do one of the most important things in life: to love. I do wonder if the degree of pain is proportional to the amount of love. Because it hurts. Bad.

I want to thank my Uncle Mark for a few things. I don’t know whether I ever personally thanked him, but I hope he’s hearing my words now.

1. Thank you for always believing in me. For telling me constantly how proud you were of me. You have no idea how much that meant to me.

2. Thank you for teaching me that family doesn’t always mean blood. Sometimes a person can touch you so deeply that they must be family. How else would they know that piece of you even existed?

3. Thank you for being my dads’ best friend, their “brother.” You and Jeff have meant so much to them – and me and Trev, of course. Your friendship is everlasting. And I know they will never cease to feel it.

4. Thank you for teaching us that it’s okay to let loose. To sing and dance. Even if people are watching. Especially if people are watching! Your joy was contagious. And I never left you without a smile.

5. Thank you for being such an amazing father to Brooklyn and Kris. They are amazingly strong, open, kind, and joyful individuals. And I know you had something to do with that.

6. Thank you for creating memories in me that will last a lifetime. I will cherish them always. As I am sure everyone who you have touched will as well.

7. Thank you for showing us that it’s okay to speak your mind. People will love you and respect you if you take that chance. And if they don’t, who cares?

8. Thank you for inspiring each and every person around you. And encouraging them to become better people. I know I am a better person just from knowing you.

9. Thank you for living your life as you. For never conforming to the person others may have wanted you to be. Because you are amazing, inspiring, marvelous.

10. Thank you for loving me. And my brother. And for reminding us that you did. I don’t think you can ever hear those three words enough. Hearing those words carry me through rough times. In case I didn’t tell you enough: I love you.

Finally, I will end with the quote that concluded each of his e-mails:

You have not lived a perfect day… unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you.

So in Mark’s honor, make today a “perfect day.”